The Cooper Legacy: Chapter 9

I know I keep spamming with chapters but I don't really have anything going on at the moment so...Enjoy. I try to keep them short so you don't have to spend a lot of time reading them and because I can put them out more often. I don't want reading it to be like a chore.

Starr: What are you doing? Don't start a chapter with me working out!
Sorry but I though it was funny.

Starr: Take your "humor" elsewhere.
Fine. I'll go to the kitchen.

Ellis: Ya know, Tallen. This house is crap. You kids can't even wash your own plates.

Tallen: It's not my fault that we don't own a dishwasher and our only sink exploded.

Bruno: Ew, Jem! Did you see the living room? It's disgusting!

Jem: Well personally, I think you're being a drama queen. If it bothers you so much, just hire a maid and stop whining like a girl.

Bruno: I didn't think I was whining but-
Jem: You totally were! All like "OMG dirty plates! FML! I live in a home and have food to eat. FML."
Bruno: I never said FML. I just said it was gross. :(

Bruno: I'll just wear my speedo and dance my worries away.

Bruno: Yeah, the girls can't resist this.

Jem: Must. get. in. shape. so. that. I. will. look. hot. in. my. bikini.

On a serious note, just look at these plates.

But it doesn't stop there.

They've seeped into the living room!

Ellis: This is the last time I'm going to fix this sink. If it breaks again, I will beat the culprit with this wrench.

Tallen: Dad's finally losing it. I knew one day he'd threaten us all with that wrench.

Bruno: Move your body, lose control.
I think you already lost control.

Bruno: School? Seriously? I wanna stay at home and dance.

Tallen: Yeah and I missed the mosh.
Starr: Yeah and I didn't get to go with him.
Tallen: You don't even know what metal is. I'd never take you.

After school, I made them all do their homework. Jem sat behind Bruno, and I assume she's peaking at his answers.

Then in a spirit of good health, I decided to have a family workout.

That's right, work until you faint.

Ellis: DIE BITCH!

I don't understand the sims. If I started hitting my stove with a hammer, it'd dent it not upgrade it.

Tallen: This is freakin' ridiculous. I can't even hear the tv over his pounding.

Oh and we got some...new neighbors. ;) You'll be seeing them later. I've got plans for them.
Anywho, this is Spider Dawson.

This is Roxy Ferguson.

Envy Adams. I tried to base her off of the Scott Pilgrim character (the movie version. Not the book, I thought that'd be too hard)

And lastly, Rax Rodriguez.

Bruno: OH MY GOD! AHHHHH! I'M SCREAMING BECAUSE I'M NEUROTIC AND FORGOT TO WASH MY HANDS THREE TIMES BEFORE LEAVING THE BATHROOM!

After Bruno's spaz attack, I decided to age up the girls.

Tallen: YAY! :D
Bruno: Mm. It's not that exciting.

Halfway through the party, the boys rushed off to school and well....I guess this car didn't want to wait for the bus to move.

So the ugly orange car drove right into the bus. Literally.

Back to the task at hand, Starr is now a slightly less ugly version of her old self.

And Jem just gets prettier and prettier.

Now I'll be honest, I'm tired of this generation. Two sets of twins is boring. So I'm just going to rush the kids into marriage

Um...This picture is just eye candy. Enjoy.

Jem: Um...uh...he-hhey. I'm J-jem Cooper.
Spider: Huh, I'm Spider.

Rax: So he was like "It's this big!" and I was like "Liar! Show me!" and then he did.

Starr: You brave soul, I could never see something so...disgusting.

Starr: So I was thinking about throwing a party. Maybe a wedding party. But I have no one to marry. Hint, hint.

Jem: Hahahahaha heh heh heehee! So then- hhahahahaha! I hit the buzzer! It was a happy buzzer!
Spider: Oh so you're real into that LSD, right?
Jem: What? NO!

Blah blah. Starr kisses a boy for the first time and probably last.

Just kidding. She also does the nasty with him.

Starr: Rax, I know we just met like 5 hours ago but I really love you and I'll never get anyone better so will you marry me?

Rax: Aw look! It's so pretty! I've never been proposed to before. I've been rejected a few times but this is a first!

Rax: I can't wait to spend all of eternity with you.

Spider: So then I was all "Oh hells no, bitch."
Ellis: Good one! I think you're my new favorite. Definitely better than my sons.

Spider: Hey babe. I just got done talking to your dad. I'm his favorite. He thinks your sons are a bunch of posers who aren't fit to be his children because they have no backbone.

Jem: OH MY GOD! He's touching me! This is the best day of my life!

Jem: I didn't hear anything you said but you're super hott.

Well isn't that adorable.

Bruno: No it's not. It's disgusting. My sister should not be kissing scary guys with emo hair.

Jem: Can we be exclusive? I really wanna go update my facebook status and brag to all my friends.
Spider: Yeah okay.

Ha, his nose is smashed into her cheek!

Oh my god. Not in your parents bed.

That's just wrong.

Tallen: This is nice. I'm glad I'm not the heir.
I haven't even announced it so how do you know you're not?
Tallen: It's pretty obvious. Jem has the hot lover so obviously she's the winner, am I right?
Aw but you're hott too. It was a hard decision but you had your mother's nose and I didn't want it spreading like disease. Otherwise it would have been you.
Tallen: Like I said, IDGAF if I'm the heir.

Tallen: You know what I say? Hell with it! I'm going to play chess at the park!

No! Don't do it! Chess is wrong! MORALLY WRONG!

See? Was I right or was I right?

Tallen: Curfew sucks. I'm just glad this is my last night with one.

My boys are growing up. :')

Spider: I don't even know you boys but yay! :D

Ellis: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE! WOOO! YEAH!

Here's Bruno, lookig' all dapper.

And oooh. Yeah. Delicious.

Tallen: Don't be heart farting over me. I have a pre-arranged marriage I need to attend to.

Bruno: whoa. Your hair is orange. And pretty.

Roxy: My hair? Oh gee thanks :)

Roxy: Your hair is pretty too.

Bathroom make-out session.

Roxy: You're really cute.

Bruno: I don't know you that well but some unknown force is telling me to propose to you so yeah.

Roxy: Yay! Marriage is fun!

Speaking of fun... ;)

Tallen: Well isn't this cute. You're wearing white and I'm wearing black. So freakin' original.

Envy: I like your sarcasm.

Tallen: holy crap, someone actually enjoys me. There's only one thing to do.

Aww yeah. Get it boy.

They're definitely my favorite couple ever.

Jem: Oh my god ew! ew ew ew! There's a butterfly in that cage! EW!
You don't like butterflies?
Jem: No no no. Yuck.

Jem: This is what I think of pregnancy...nothing.

Aw who's proper little legs are those?

Ha, I love that Mr. Manly man sits like a girl.

Spider: So we need teddy bears for...what?
Jem: What are you talking about? Teddy bears are for babies.
Spider: But you said we needed some?

Spider: You are a horrible woman! Why would you make Jem so stupid?

Lavinia: Hold up! This is the first time I've been featured all chapter and a little jerk like you is going to tell me that my daughter is stupid? Get some manners and go back to whatever hole you crawled out of.

Spider: I DID NOT CLIMB OUT OF A HOLE! RAWR!

This is attack looks kind of....edgy.

Spider: RAHA! I will be forever respected for beating the hell out of a kind woman!

Jem: So Dad, what do you think of my boyfriend?
Ellis: He's good at enforcing his authority and...um. He makes all the girls swoon.

Jem: Oh yeah, I remember now. We need teddy bears because I'm pregnant!

Jem: Whoa! Calm down! I know my chubby tummy is cute but you can keep your hands to yourself.

I love Spider.

Spider: Since you're knocked up, wanna get engaged or somethin'?

Spider: It's shiny! Even shinier than my lip rings! See? I care.

Jem: Oh wow. It is shiny!

Meanwhile, Lavinia is too stupid to function.

Seriously. She died of hunger standing right in front of the fridge.
Lavinia: Well it's okay. I get to meet the grim reaper! *creepy dying smile*

She's still smiling which is pretty creepy.

Ellis: NOOO! WHY?

Ellis: I can't believe this! I loved her!

Lavinia: Calm down, guys. I'll be in a better place.

Jem: Now my baby will never know her granny. NO! :(

Aw even Spider is sad.
Spider: Yeah but only because she died of her own stupidity. I didn't even play any part in the dumb bitch's downfall.
Oooh harsh.

Ellis: THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! THAT BITCH WAS MY LIFE!

Spider: ...hm. What's this?

Spider: Oooh gnarly! I love butterflies.

Well that's it guys. Sorry I rushed all the kids out of the house and sorry I let Lavinia die. Forgive me?

Well tune in next time for more unusual fun.
-Will Spider & Jem have a boy or a girl?
-Will I remember to visit the spares?
-Will Tallen ever get to that mosh?